She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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