I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
