You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
