Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
