i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
