You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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