my soul wont recognize me after tonight
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
