You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
