The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
