Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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