Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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