I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
