the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
