im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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