im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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