am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
