either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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