brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
