You work out of a Hotel?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I stole a fireplace last night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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