At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
its liver damage thursday
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
