How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Someone shattered a urinal.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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