This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
