I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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