ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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