Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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