I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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