why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
