sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
