god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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