you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
