New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Randomize
