You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
