i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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