It's just like the Real World with babies
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
