she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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