if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
