So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
