Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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