Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
