just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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