umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
