After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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