well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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