yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
