I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
