it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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