dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
