I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
id be glad to
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
