just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
