i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
