i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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