so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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